|
I used to go to weddings when I was a kid and mentally decorate for my own wedding one day. What kind of dress I would have on, what my hair would look like, the color of the flowers and of course, the Prince Charming. Children have an unbelieveable amount of innocence and faith that, as you grow older, the faith and innocence you once held slowly dies within you. Being a kid, it's easy to say that when you get married, that will be it. The two of you will be like Mr. and Mrs. Rogers, having breakfast with a smile bright and early as you skip off to start your day. That fairytale lasts an entire lifetime, you think. No arguing, no bickering, no anger, no confusion. Just love. And when you have parents, grandparents, great-grandparents who have married and stayed married, it's easy to keep that ideal in your head. But the truth of the matter is, love isn't that simple. Hell, life isn't that simple. Life is meant to be a rollercoaster ride and you're just meant to go along for the ride and hope you don't falter off in some way. It would be too easy if love turned out to be exactly how we pictured it when we were little girls playing in make-up and dreaming of a white pickett fence.
I've known, once I grew up and was slapped with reality - that things aren't that simple. That love take works, that sometimes the irritation overlaps the love. Sometimes you don't want to have to see the sight of the person you're so in love with. Sometimes, they make you so mad that all you want to do is stomp out of the house and never return. But you know what the kicker is? The minute you leave, you're going to miss that person. Regardless of the harsh feelings you felt before, or the confusion and anger, and the fact that something so powerful can so quickly blow up in your face.. you miss them. And you want to turn around and start it over - but again, it's not that simple. We're human beings with real emotions, real conflicts and misunderstandings. Confusion and anger. It's not that easy to gather all of those feelings into one little bundle and shove them deep inside of you forever and never let it resurface. I've never believed in divorce, and of my harshest of harsh thoughts - I wondered why I ever believed in marriage.
Then I take a step back, gather my breath and answer my own question. Because the little girl inside of me still believes in happily ever after. She does, it's just harder now. It's harder to keep the dream alive and the hope on the surface.
|